Toxic relationships are everywhere we look. At some point in our lives, many of us date people who are no good for us, at other times we have friends, family and co-workers who are toxic. Then there are those people who fill our lives with happiness, those rare souls who do not want anything more than to see us happy.
There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. They teach us the biology of sex, marriage, and maybe the few novels that teach us not to be toxic.
But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love and money thus we tend to see our partners as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.
Below are five of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. Get the tissues ready.
- Blaming Your Partner For Your Own Emotions
Sometimes you might be having a stressful day and your partner is busy on his phone and not giving you attention, so you attack them for being selfish and claim they should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based on your emotional state. Blaming our partners such kind of emotions is a form of selfishness and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. There is a difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner.
2. Display Of a “Jealousy” Love
Getting mad when your partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hangs out with another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control his or her behavior. Are you putting your partner in jail? Your partner needs freedom and a relationship is not a cell. It surprises me that some people describe this as some sort of display of affection. Trust your partner because excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors can push your partner away.
3. Relationship hostage.
This is one of the more common toxic habits that people assume is normal. It occurs when one partner has a complaint or criticism that turns into blackmail and ends up threatening the commitment of the relationship. For example, if your partner feels like you’ve been ignoring them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’ve been ignoring me lately,” they will instead say, “You are always so cold to ignoring me, I can’t be with someone who is always ignoring me.” That becomes emotional blackmail and this should be avoided with all means.
4. Buying Solutions To Relationship Problems.
Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere. This does not solve a problem but keep it for a bigger fight next time.
There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for your partner after a fight to show solidarity and commitment. But one should never use gifts or fancy things to replace dealing with the underlying emotional issues.